Foul Knave

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New times call for a new US anthem. Here it is. Those of you with singing voices will find that it readily scans.

“The Crap Be-Spattered Banner”

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so loudly was claimed by the racists a-scheming,
A Führer and white hope to win on the night,
A rude fake-tan thug to be so happily beaming?
And the turd’s Gorgon stare, that monstrous blond hair,
Can leave us no doubt that he’s slouched from his lair;
O see our proud banner shamed by this foul knave,
All crap be-spattered by his ghastly brown wave.

(With apologies to Francis Scott Key)

In case you were wondering, the famous tune for The Star-Spangled Banner was nicked by Key from the official song of London’s Anacreontic Society – which was a posh 18th century name for Gent’s Boozing Club. The last line of each verse in the original song was “The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus’s Vine” which gives you the general idea.